Courageous Conversations by Deputy Chief Robert Oliver

	Bob Oliver is the Deputy Chief of the Redmond Fire Department in Washington. He came to the Northwest after retiring from the Phoenix Fire Department as Deputy Chief and 33 years of service. Bob is a well respected public speaker/trainer on various human relations topics, on the local and national circuit. We asked him to share his wisdom on ‘courageous conversations’.

More often than not, rank, seniority and association distort the crucial conversations in most fire departments. These cautions in communication filter certain levels of honesty, openness and truthfulness. The effect is hardly noticeable in the day-to-day casual conversations. However, when the stakes are higher, i.e. planning, promotions, investigations and inquiries, the less than honest appraisals, unspoken agendas or masked motives can completely undermine the goal’s intention. These deceptions can transport the group or organization to a place where it never wanted to go. Organizational U-turns can be costly to both resources and morale. When the outcome of the discussion requires an emotional or financial commitment, consensus, agreement and/or strategic implementations, it is time to call for a courageous conversation.

Participating in a conversation requiring complete candor and respect takes courage. One who is willing to communicate beyond the limits of formalities, niceties and defense mechanisms is courageous. ‘Courageous’ refers to the manner, method, or approach that one chooses to manifest his or her presence in a discussion.

Imagine the depth of creativity that could be realized in an 'open-minded' conversation free of the distractions from pride, privilege and vanities—saving the energies siphoned by defensiveness, feign agreement, and withholds!

Thus, in a courageous conversation, when participants are grounded in their individual sense of self worth, they are willing to unveil their vested interest and risk exposing some protected vulnerabilities in exchange for a greater level of understanding and creative synergy. Such synergy may manifest itself in better decisions, better relationships, better decision-making process, and more substantive commitment to implement decisions made.

A courageous conversation is possible when the participants feel secure and liberated enough in their relationships to move the discussion deeper to express what they truly want to have happen and focus on what is actually happening.

The irony is that people cannot take risks unless they feel safe—unless they feel secure that they will not be patronized, embarrassed or ridiculed. Therefore, ground rules need to be clearly established and agreed upon by all participants. Trust is essential in creating conditions of safety.

Some suggested ground rules for each participant:

• Acknowledge something that hasn’t been acknowledged (previously unspoken agendas).
• Be willing to give up something (usually it involves giving up having to be right).
• Be willing to commit to something new (break from mediocrity or mistakes of the past).
• Offer something (declare what you are willing to do).
• Request something (the support that you will require).
• Extend an invitation (enroll others; model ‘courageous’ behaviors).